Truthfully, I haven’t been doing too well lately. And I can’t quite pinpoint what it is exactly that is making me feel so low.
I few weeks back I felt alright, positive almost, and I was getting a few quite productive days in, spend lots of time working on the blog and my shop and all that. And then all of a sudden the whole mood dropped. And everything felt so tideous and I felt so low, still do.
I feel stuck. I don’t know where I’m going with my life and I have no idea how to get out of this slump at the moment. It feels like everything I try to do just isn’t really worth it. I only end up drained, fatigued and irritated anyway.
I feel lonely. Despite always saying that I don’t like to have too many people around me, and that I do enjoy being alone most of the time – I still get phases where I get overwhelmed by this very deep rooted lonliness. I crave connection but I don’t seem to find it anywhere. And it feels quite empty sometimes, knowing that there probably isn’t really anyone out there who I could share my thoughts with. Maybe there is, I don’t know, but it never feels like that.
I feel overwhelmed just by looking at the mountain of expectations other people and society seem to have in me. Everyone seems to be achieving things, going to college, getting jobs, starting a family and I’m just here, existing, trying to make it through the day. I don’t know what poiny in my life I should be at and I feel like I’m constantly running behind. I feel like I’m wasting so much time but at the same time I don’t know what else to do.
I need change and I don’t know how to change things or even if I did I have a feeling I’d probably be too scared for it anyway. Too scared of letting go of what I’ve become so used to. A strange sense of comfort that lingers in this stagnancy, a strange sense of calm that would only be shaken up if I were to do anything else.
I feel numb yet other times I feel evrything so deeply there’s never any inbetween. No middle ground, no balance. It’s all or nothing.
Enough rambles, I hope you have a lovely Friday evening and an even better weekend!